Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize