last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
