yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
