My nipple is on Facebook.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
