OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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