youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
