He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
