im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
