I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
