The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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