all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
