she was so not down for the gang bang
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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