I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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