Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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