I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
