I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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