Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
