went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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