I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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