17 year olds will be the death of me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
