So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
