Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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