I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
