Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
