we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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