roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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