he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
