rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
