honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
