I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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