you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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