Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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