sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
