I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
