HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
