I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
