8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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