The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
