biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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