I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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