girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
