Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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