I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
