It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
