exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
