I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Randomize
