It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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