it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
