I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
