there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
