Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
