Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
