True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize