so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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