Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
