neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
