u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
