Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
