i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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