Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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