it wasn't lemon gatorade
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize