RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Are we still banned from the library?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize