I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
