i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize