pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize