I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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