dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
