We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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