so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
