My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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