All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
