You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
