I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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