Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
